The End of an Era

April 1^st in Japan will mark the end of the Heisei era as the current emperor will abdicate and pass control to his son.  It will also mark the end of the era of me working for my suck ass company, as they decided to not renew my visa and are flying me home on that exact same day.  I was originally scheduled to stay for another month to help train the new teachers, but inexplicably the plan changed after they had already started the paperwork with immigration.  My best guess is that they don’t want to have the liability of being my visa sponsor for 11 months after I leave Hellos and potentially wreak havoc in Japan.  Oh well, my work is pretty much done here.   Many of my coworkers share this sentiment as six Americans and two Japanese are leaving next month.  They are shipping in four brand new Americans to take our places, and three of them will arrive over spring break, so they’ll teach the first day of the school year without ever having sat in on a class.  Good luck kiddos!

The only big news I have is that I ran an Ekiden last month!  Our team of seven runners finished the 44 kilometer course in an unimpressive time that currently escapes my recollection.  I ran a cold, windy 9.3km leg in 37:03, which was exactly what I expected.  Amazingly my club fielded two teams, and the seventh stage runner of the second team was also named Michael.  We had three hours to sit by the side of the road while waiting for our team to arrive, so I got to know him a little.  He’s a lawyer with a wife and kids that just moved to Japan and even more amazingly he has a super similar running background to me.  In the race he beat me by just 7 seconds!  I chopped off his head with my Katana to avoid the shame.  After the race we went to a bath and then an all you can eat restaurant where we got pretty hammered at 3pm.  Fortunately it was only a mile from my house as the guy who drove me was plastered and have to leave his car there.  It was a fun experience I haven’t had in a long time, and has motivated me to train more and run less slow-ass times.  I’ve actually been running almost every day since fall, and have built back up to where I can jog 8 to 10 miles on Saturday and feel fine on Sunday.  Now I somehow need to figure out how to do that at 7 minute mile pace instead of 9…

So tomorrow starts my last week of teaching, then I have a week to hang out before the 1^st.  The last couple of months I’ve been enjoying teaching more than ever before, probably because I’ve flogged the resistance out of most of my trouble makers.  I’ve especially had fun with my first graders, who in the past had always been exhausting.  I’ll miss them and I’ll miss the coworkers that have slowly warmed up to me as I’ve shaken off my reputation for being bitter and burned out after last year.  On the other hand some teachers have been less than friendly all year, so now seems like a good time to leave.

As for my last week, I’ll say goodbye to my friends that are leaving on the 26^th and then go explore for a few days, probably on a small island somewhere.  Then pack up and head home!  See you soon and let me know if anyone needs a good English teacher in Minnesota!

Vietnam!

A few words of update before I disappear back into the mysterious orient for a few more months!  Since my last post I enjoyed a wonderful white and slightly above freezing Christmas in Minnesota and then got promptly back to work in Japan.  2019 is off to a smooth start with no major changes to my classes or work schedule.  In case you were wondering I was back for a total of three weeks before I went on vacation again!  Phew, I was getting worried about burn out there.  This week I took a short trip to Vietnam with two friends from work (Sam and Emily the same two as Malaysia in September).  It was supposed to be four days, but we applied for the visas too late and it wound up being only three.  We got $250 tickets out of Osaka for an early Monday flight, so we took the train three hours on Sunday and stayed in a little town to the airport.  Then after getting up at 6 on Monday we were denied boarding due to lack of visas and had to spend another 24 hours in Osaka.  Who knew you needed a visa to visit counties the United States formerly bombed?  So on Monday we went back into Osaka and spent the day visiting the instant noodle museum.  It was like Asia’s version of the Spam Museum!  Then three trains back to small airport town, get up at six, make the flight by five minutes due to visa printing difficulties, blah blah blah.  Anyhow, we got to Hanoi at 1pm, messed around with immigration for an hour, took an uber for an hour, checked into the air BNB and then literally ran a mile to the start of our 5pm food tour.  Running through the old quarter of Hanoi was probably the most dangerous thing I’ve done since trying to drive a moped in Indonesia in 2010.  Very invigorating.  Hanoi has roughly 100 pedestrians, 200 street vendors, 400 mopeds and one square meter of open space per block.  Also no stop lights of traffic laws.  You gotta just stop thinking and go baby! 

So the first night I had like three dinners of bomb ass Vietnamese street food like Pho and Banh Mi.  I also learned that Hanoi is super touristy with plenty of English speakers and also that Vietnam is like totally communist but also totally capitalist.  Our 27 year old tour guide was totally stoked about Ho Chi Minh, Lennon and one party elections, but also loved Americans and accepted visa.  So you wind up with a country with free health care and no homeless people or beggars, but Americans can go anywhere, say anything and even pay with US dollars.  No surprise it’s one of the fastest growing economies.  Anyhow that’s just a first impression, I don’t really know anything.

Anyhow, the second day we explored on foot (literally one foot as we were hopping over squatting-sidewalk-coffee-drinkers all day) and checked out a couple of temples and a water puppet show.  If you want to know what entertainment looked like in an 11^th century rice field I recommend this!  We also caught a show at a Jazz club.  The next day we did an art museum and tried to check out Ho Chi Minh’s mausoleum, which sadly closes at 11am.  We wrapped up with the 65 story Lotte tower, where we watched the sun set through the hazy  polluted sky. Then we caught a red eye home followed by a miserable and heavily delayed 4 hour train ride home.

Overall it was a crazy but great trip.  The air BNB was gorgeous, almost like a hotel room, but tucked in skinny four story building on a back alley.  The weather was 60-70 degrees the whole trip, but unfortunately very hazy and polluted.  If I could do it again I’d get my visa on time and spend a night or two outside the big city.  The people were so friendly I don’t think it would be a problem, even with zero Vietnamese.

So I’m back now, and getting ready for a 9am free lesson tomorrow (Sunday).  Take care and keep in touch!

A Pre-Holiday Update

Day pass into weeks, weeks into months, and now we find ourselves in the closing stage of the reign of the Heisei emperor.  If you didn’t know, the emperor of Japan is retiring at the end of the fiscal/school year, so the traditional Japanese calendar will start from year zero next April.  Who knew the emperor was allowed to retire? 

So I have largely been neglecting my blog as my life has settled into a routine that feels very little like the adventure of my first year or two here.  Work has settled down and classes are finally as easy as they were by the end of my first stint in Japan.  My kids know me, and the fear of being hit with ever-present balloon seems to deter most bad behavior.  My large apartment is nice, although these days few of my friends come to visit.  I started running again almost daily in October, because I signed up for a relay race in February.  I’ll be doing it right here in Ogaki with some old buddies that I used to run with years ago.  My time is widely expected to blow.  Oh well, my teammates mostly have full time jobs and kids.  I learn a tiny bit more Japanese every day, although I don’t really use much at work.  I passed the top level of the Japanese language proficiency test back in July (I got the result in September).  I now feel fully qualified to read a newspaper article and answer a multiple choice question about it with 70 percent accuracy.  I’ve done a number of things that I’ve blogged about in the past, but don’t really feel like re-reporting.  I went to the Ogaki festival in October and caught flying rice balls.  I went to thanksgiving at a coworker’s house and cooked mac and cheese this time, which outperformed last year’s crappy potatoes.  We had a Halloween party for the kids and I crossed dressed again, this time as a witch.  Our Christmas party is coming up next week, and I’m going to be sort of an anti-Santa; I basically plan on walking around with a big sack of crappy presents like newspaper and old socks.  Should be a good time.  I’ve been on a couple mediocre tinder dates, which wound up feeling more like language exchanges than dates (that is to say work, where I get to speak Japanese!)  I’ve done some bike rides and hikes as well, but at this point it just feels like normal exercise rather than exploration…

If this blog seems like a bit of a downer, don’t get the wrong idea.  I’m enjoying myself more than last year or even the first half of this year.  I just haven’t done much that I feel like bragging about on the internet.

Looking forward I’m coming home as usual for Christmas.  For the second year in a row I got super cheap tickets, this time $740 for the 12/24 to New Years.  Speaking of cheap tickets I also snagged a $250 ticket to Vietnam for our January break.  I’m going for 4 days to Hanoi with the same two friends that went to Malaysia in September.  I’m pretty stoked for that because it seemed like they weren’t going to have enough money to make it happen for a while.  Plus who knows when the next time I’ll be able to travel Asia with two 25 year old women again??

Well, we are nearing the end of 2018, so have a merry Christmas, jolly Chanukah, festive Kwanza or whimsical pagan solstice celebration.  Let’s start 2019 on the attack!

Malaysia!

Wow, since my last blog post I flew home for 10 days, came back, taught for two weeks, flew to Malaysia for four days, and came home barely missing a record setting typhoon.  Minnesota was great as always, although I somehow managed to book my return flight for the wrong day and missed a day and a half of work.  I got some really dirty looks and a deeper understanding of the meaning of “nonrefundable ticket” (turns out you can’t even change the little bastards).  So then I worked 10 out of 11 days and got up at the ass crack of dawn to fly to Kuala Lumpur on day 12. 

My friends Emily and Sam found $300 tickets and an air B&B on the 22^nd floor of a high-rise for like $40 a night.  Our place had a pool and restaurant on the 37^th floor roof top.  The place had four towers and so many people we had to wait 5 minutes for the elevator to come.  We had a studio with a mattress on the floor for me and a semi-broken AC unit.  It worked out though.

I was a bit nervous going with friends that I hadn’t traveled with before, but we got along well and didn’t have any emergencies except when a monkey stole a bag of souvenirs from us.  We did a bunch of touristy stuff like going to temples, mosques and shrines and going to the top of an 88 story tower.  We did a food tour one night with a random local guy we found on the internet.  He fed us Chinese street food and we got caught in the middle of a huge Chinese ghost festival parade.  (I didn’t know before going that the gates to the spirit world were open in early September).  Other highlights included feeding parrots an aviary and visiting an enormous cave guarded by a 100 foot golden statue of a Hindu war god. 

Overall the city was super huge and built up but it was easy to get around with uber and nearly every one spoke English.   The people are super diverse and there are very active Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Taoist communities.  The city was also super developed and we didn’t have any problems with scammers, feral dogs or human refuse being thrown out of 2^nd story windows.

Now I’ve been back taking it easy and gearing up for another work week.  We have a meeting tomorrow before work for the full staff 200+ Shimon staff, then on Wednesday I teach at my new branch for the first time.  I’ll be in touch.  Tootles.

Gunpowder and Ass Sweat

Ah, my half-packed duffel is sitting on the kitchen floor, my laundry is drying on my dining room chairs and in the distance I can see the lights of the bullet train flickering between tall buildings.  I must have made it to summer break.  It wasn’t easy this time thanks to a record setting heat wave that has seen temps pushing 100 almost every day for three straight weeks.  This week I had two extra summer lessons, which meant showing up to work at 9am with sweat dripping off my ass.  We decided it would a good idea to have a summer cram session theme this year, so the kids just sat at their desks studying vocab for 3 hours.  All I had to do was test them when they were ready, which was easy, except when I had to fail an 8 year old three times because she couldn’t remember the phrase “you’re right”.  Irony.

Yesterday I got back from English Daze, our annual teacher-student camping trip.  We went to a sprawling nature center an hour away with 40 youngsters for an overnight.  The first day it was literally 101 degrees and the students did an orienteering activity where they walked around with maps for three hours.  I just sat in a little hut in the woods and waited for the kids to find me.  I had the furthest station and nearly died before any of the kids reached me.  Somehow they all seemed to be fine in the heat.  The second day I was supposed to take my kids to a petting zoo, but it rained so I played alcohol-free beer pong and had a paper tower building contest.  This year was a little better than last year, since a few of my kids actually came but still sucked due to getting up at 6am two days in a row.  Well that one’s in the books.

Before that?  I went to the beach on lake Biwa with a couple friends two weeks ago.  It’s kind of shallow and full of jet skis, but it hit the spot on a 95 degree day.  You can also see my study abroad school from the beach.  After dark we walked around Hikone while I reminisced and my two friends caught Pokémon. 

Last week was there was big fireworks festival in Gifu city.  I went with one American and one Japanese coworker and we spent over an hour wandering through crowds trying to get to our other two friends.  Fireworks are a huge deal here, probably because you can’t buy any of the good ones legally.  The two newspapers in Gifu each sponsor one event, and always try to outdo each other on the first two weeks of August.  I hadn’t been since 2009, so it was nice to go home smelling like gun powder and fried meat again.  We never found our friends though…

Well, that’s about all that pops into mind for my summer.  I’ve been out and about more than last year which is nice (although mostly after sunset, like a heat vampire).  I’ll be attempting to return home tomorrow, although a typhoon is currently heading for Tokyo which may delay me.  Hopefully I can fill you in on my life in person soon, and also hear about any scintillating adventure you have been on!  Until then!

Fun in the (dangerously hot) sun.

Summer is upon us!  Last week we had 72 hours of straight rain but it finally gave way to blinding sunlight and 99 degree heat.  July and August are indoor season in Japan, but I got in couple of good outdoor days in June at least.  I hiked up to Gifu castle which was pretty cool, but we got to the top of the mountain just minutes after the squirrel petting zoo closed.  Shoot.  The employees started chasing the squirrels around with nets just after it closed, so they must herd them inside or something.  Squirrels are actually pretty rare in Japan, so it’s fun to watch Japanese people freak out when one darts towards them.  Also my old friend and colleague Izumi came for a visit (just a month after I met her in Hawaii) and we met up with our old running crew.  We did the 10km route we used to do every Monday night, and we got to see cormorant fishing at the river.  Ukai, as they call it in Japanese, involves letting a cormorant catch a fish out of the river, but with a metal collar one it’s neck, so it can’t swallow the fish.  Then the fish is squeezed out of the bird’s throat and presumably eaten by a human.  It’s a strange custom, but it’s a very popular tourist attraction around here.  People line the river banks at sunset to watch.  Afterword we went out for beers, and I vetoed the fish restaurant. 

Two weeks ago I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, which was as hard as I had imagined.  It’s possible that I passed, but I felt like I was answering with about 70 percent confidence on most of the questions.  Not great considering it was a multiple choice exam.  I find out the result in September.  Pass or fail I have a disappointingly long way to go before I’m fluent.

Last week we had a banquet to celebrate the arrival of our newest teacher and the start of another school year (never mind that it started in April).  We rented a private room in an Italian restaurant and had an amazing five+ course meal, including sushi, pizza and snails.  As always there was unlimited alcohol of every sort.  After about an hour of drinking, or new teacher Sam put her parents on video chat from Texas.  Our boss drunkenly remarked to them “I am not stable but the company is stable”. 

So looking forward, tomorrow is my birthday!  And looking backward, we actually had the party last night.  All six of my local coworkers and one Japanese friend came to my new apartment.  My coworker Emily baked cookies and my friend Mai gave me a slightly ridiculous sun hat (see pictures).  Now I have to wear it whenever I see her because she has a matching one.  I bought a Chromecast recently, so I can play any video on internet on my TV.  We spent the night watching SNL videos and complaining about the weather.  I was pretty happy just to be able to enough space to have friends over though.  Well I should get back to cleaning up my place and mentally preparing myself to be 33 years old.  Stay cool friends.

New Apartment!

Greetings from the east friends!  I see I have not posted since Golden Week, so get you all up to speed let me start by confirming that I was indeed nearly volcanoed a month ago.  My trip to the big island was wonderful, and I got to see the lava coming out of the volcano the day before the eruption caused the closure of the viewing area!  Overall we stayed one step ahead of the volcano the whole 6 days and didn’t experience so much as a travel delay!

Back in Japan things are normal.  I work more hours this year, including a grueling 11am-10pm Friday, but classes are much more stable.  At the Friday meeting each week I get to hear the other teachers complain about the branches they took over from me, but other than that I have nothing to do with any of my students or coworkers from last year.  Oh well, moving on…

Last weekend I moved into a new apartment!  I had been contemplating it for months and finally pulled the trigger.  I moved just across the street and have the same land lord, but my new place is probably three times the size.  I have a nice big living room to have friends over, a veranda and two Japanese style Tatami rooms that I plan on never using or cleaning.  Let me know if any of you need a place to crash in Ogaki!  I’m also on the 5^th floor so I get a constant cross breeze.  I had my AC cranked up in my old place, but now don’t need it at all!  My rent is about $100 more a month, and I have to buy furniture still, so no loans for any of you this summer!

Besides that weekends have been a bit more fun and social lately.  I went to a strange rock concert in a one room venue in Nagoya.  After we paid and went through the door, we almost went into the wrong show because there two simultaneous concerts in adjacent rooms.  My coworker helped an American band fly in to perform, so I am one of maybe 50 people who have seen the Balinda Butchers live in Japan.

What else?  I found a free one room art gallery inside of a bank near my house.  I ate Hawaiian food for the first time after coming back from Hawaii (the restaurant Gravy Sauce is 20 minutes from my house).  I also spent a Sunday serving ice cream to kids at our annual ice cream party.  This year my students were actually invited which made it more tolerable.  Sadly no one brought red bean paste as a topping this year. 

I also signed up to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test on July 1^st.  I’m taking the top level this year so if I pass, I can actually say I speak Japanese.  Woo!  I’ve studied a ton over the last few years, but it always seems like there are a million things I’m still missing.  Oh well, wish me luck!

And hey don’t let me forget, I’m coming home over summer break.  I’ll be in MN from August 9^th to the 20^th.  See you then!

Okay that should do it from my end.  I am off to search for a sofa at the recycling shop.  Keep it real!

Snoring, Leotards and Huge Apartments.

As quickly as a flash of lightning, I finished my spring break, roared through my first three weeks of classes and am somehow on vacation again.  It takes time to adjust to having nine weeks of vacation a year I guess.

So anyhoozle, the last half of my spring break was pretty pleasant.  I did an overnight trip to Takayama, a city in the far north of Gifu.  It is renowned for its mountain scenery, it’s preserved historic district and its ratio of 18 foreign tourists per local resident.  There were literally more foreigners per square meter than Tokyo or Kyoto.  It was quite a shock as I was expecting an isolated town in the heart of the mountains.  I stayed in an interesting hostel that provided me with a screened off sleeping room.  So it was totally private except I could hear everything happening in the other 19 sleeping pods.  One guy was snoring so badly I thought aliens might be sucking his brain out.  Hostels are hit and miss.

After coming back I started teaching with all-new students and coworkers.  Classes are much smaller, I have lots of materials, and I see the same students every week, so this is promising to be a much better year.  I get to work one day a week in Nagoya, the big city 45 minutes away.  Unfortunately it looks like our branch there is going to close this fall, due to lack of students.  My boss told me (no joke) that he is transferring me to work in a gymnastics center on Wednesdays.  Details TBD but hopefully I get to wear a leotard to work.

Outside of work, it seems like we have a pretty good group of Americans this year.  Last week we had our annual tradition of watching wrestle mania together.  It’s has become something I can only enjoy under very specific circumstances, specifically with fried chicken, beer and a very nice couch.  We’ve also been watching movies and hanging out in the apartments which has reignited my desire to get a less crappy room.  The land lady showed me an apartment next door that has four rooms and is on the fifth floor.  I can get it for only $100 more per month, but I’m not sure what I would do with basically two empty bedrooms.  We’ll see.

Starting today, I’m on vacation again!  Woo, Golden Week!  On Monday I’m flying to the big island of Hawaii to spend 5 nights with my parents.  They are desperate to get away from the Minnesota weather, although I don’t think Hawaii will actually be that different from Japan.  It’s been 60’s and 70’s here for what seems like forever.  Summer is sure to be upon me soon though.  Tomorrow I am going to pack up and then go on a date with a non-English speaking dentist.  Wish me luck!

Okay thanks for tuning in again guys and gals.  See you next time!

Spring Break!

Welcome back folks!  The school year is over and I am on an extra long two week spring break!  Somehow I survived the final weeks of a dismal school year, and I am now looking forward to starting fresh next Monday.  My last week passed with little fanfare, and I can’t say I’m sad to leaving any of the branches I taught at this year.  It didn’t seem like many of the other teachers even knew I was leaving.  Had I stayed, the majority of my students would have changed anyhow.

So after my classes wrapped up I had a week to shadow teachers and train for my new classes.  Next year I will be back in Hellos, which is where I originally taught from 2009-2011.  I have met most of my students, and there doesn’t seem to be any major problem in any class.  I am especially excited to teach high school students that actually speak in conversational sentences.  The only class I am worried about is a preschool class I’ll be taking over with one 3 year old girl who I’m pretty sure is 1 foot tall (I’ll measure her and get back to you.)

So the school year ended, we lost one American teacher and two new female teachers joined, one Japanese and one from Texas.  I got a chance to meet them both this week and both seem fun and uninhibited.  I feel astonished that new teachers are now almost 10 years younger than me!

So I’m on spring break, yay!  This weekend I went on a three day trip around the Kii peninsula.  It’s the largest peninsula in Japan and located directly south of me.  It’s almost all mountains, forests and little fishing villages that dot the rugged coastline.  There is a train line that runs along the coast around the whole peninsula, and I spent two days riding slow local trains from town to town.  It’s fun to see what life looks like when you’re 5+ hours away from the nearest big city!  People are friendlier in rural areas, although to my disappointment there were many other foreign tourists, so I didn’t get to be the first ever American in any town I went to. 

So I basically spent two days hiking around, riding very slow old trains and taking pictures of cherry blossoms which are in full bloom at the moment.  It’s been a very warm spring, with temps in the 70’s for the last week, so the blossoms are about a week early this year.  It’s wonderful now, but I am dreading summer.

I crashed in a cheap hotel the first night, but couldn’t find a place the second night.  I intended to stay in Wakayama, a large city 90 minutes south of Osaka, but I couldn’t find a single room.  On my way in to Osaka, my phone died, which left my roaming the city at 12am.  Finally I found a 27 story hotel with one non-smoking room left for $150.  Oofda.  But better than sitting in the station until the 5am train!  The hotel in Osaka doubled the cost of my entire trip!

Anyhow, I’m back home now in Ogaki.  Today I helped train the new American teacher.  Because she didn’t get her visa in time, she is doing all her training over break and will not even get a chance to observe a class before she starts.  Yikes!  Then I’ll five more days of vacation until I start 100% new classes.  (Yikes again).  Stay tuned and wish me luck!

Tokyo Report and Looking Forward

Oh hi!  Looks like you’ve stopped by for this month’s installment of The Michael in Japan Show!

I guess I should start with Tokyo!  We arrived at 5:30 am, well before sunrise and went to Tsukigi fish market.  I had been there before, but I must have been either half asleep or still drunk from partying all night, as I didn’t remember how huge and utterly fishy it was.  There are literally thousands of people running, yelling, arguing and frantically trying to buy the best of whatever had just been unloaded from the boats.  The fishing industry in Japan is huge and hyper-competitive.  After our visit, I am content in returning to experiencing it through educational TV programs.  

After Tsukigi we did a couple of famous temples and then tried to go up Sky Tree, the tallest building in Japan, but it was so overcast that we were advised to return the next day.  Then we decided to have lunch at an owl café, only it wasn’t just owls there, and it wasn’t a café at all.  It turned out to be a weird sort of petting zoo with exotic pets that had been discarded by their owners.  And there was a vending machine and bench.  I don’t know why you would want to call your petting zoo a “café” as that would seem like a health department red flag, but that’s what showed up on google.  So after petting some owls, a monkey and a capybara, we drank our free vending machine coffee and went off to a Mexican restaurant for lunch (actually a first in Japan.)  That afternoon we explored a forest in the middle of Tokyo (Meiji shrine) as well as Shibuya, which has the famous world’s-busiest cross walk.  We crashed in a crappy hostel and went back to Sky Tree the next day.  (It’s worth the $20 to get to the top.  You can see every neighborhood of a city of 30 million).  After that I met an old friend for lunch, strolled around the imperial gardens, and took the bullet train home.  It was by far the most sightseeing I had ever packed into two days.  I'm still a little tired out from it...

So, since then (it’s been a month hasn’t it?) I’ve been mostly working and thinking about my next break in 2 weeks and my new work assignment.  Starting next school year (April) I am completely abandoning all of my branches and starting again, mostly working at two Hello’s schools a mile from my apartment.  It’s a much needed fresh start, as the experiment of renting me out to our parent company has pretty much failed miserably.  The trend of bad behavior and little support has continued, and at this point most of my students don’t want to be in class and most of my coworkers barely talk to me (they don’t really talk to each other much either).  It’s a night and day difference compared to my last time in Japan.  Hopefully my move back to Hello’s will set things straight.  This week is my last on my current schedule, then I train for a week, and take over new classes after the April vacation. 

What else?  I’ve been to a few movies lately- I enjoyed Beguiled and Black Panther (especially the first ever token white character!)   I also worked the last two Sundays, one training and the other teaching a free lesson for prospective students.  I taught four classes with 5 students and two of them singed up on the spot.  Not bad considering I didn’t even know where the books and flashcards were when I showed up! 

Other than that I don’t have much more to report.  I am happy that so many of you keep reading despite my relative lack of adventures/ run-ins with law enforcement.  Hopefully things start getting more interesting soon.  Happy spring interneters!!

Setsubun in Tokyo!

Good evening friends and frienemies, it’s time for another of my increasingly infrequent updates from Japan!  I enjoyed a lovely Christmas in frozen Minnesota shortly following my last post and have been back basically in Ogaki since then.  Winter has finally started in earnest and we have a few melting piles of snow around the parking lot.  The big news is that I’m in the middle of another one week break!  Why another break already you ask?  Well the Japanese teachers are doing parent teacher conferences, so we have no classes to teach, yay!  But actually all of branches I teach at finished their conferences long ago, so there is really no reason that I have off other than my loud and frequent complaining!  Now for the rest of the year my breaks are the same as the other Americans, which makes no sense from a class schedule perspective, but is a huge improvement over texting my boss every day of the break to ask if I have to work or not.  But enough about my corporate overlords, I’m on vacation!  Yesterday I played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time with six other Americans.  It took five hours and I only got to kill one person (and steal a guy’s clothes).  I am not so sad now that my brothers excluded me from their games when I was six.  I also went on one long hike from the town of Motosu to Gifu.  I took a back road through a mountain valley and discovered the prefectural prison, complete with watch towers and barbed wire.  When things aren’t going my way I always imagine the many things I could be thrown into Japanese prison for, and then I feel more grateful for my life!

Later tonight two of my coworkers and I are taking a night bus to Tokyo!  It only cost $40 one way.  We are going to hang out there and do some sightseeing Friday and Saturday and then come back probably on the train Saturday night.  So far on the agenda are: the Tokyo Skytree, the Tsukigi Fish Market, and hopefully one of those weird animal cafes.  (At first there were only cat cafes, but now there are rumored to be owl and hedgehog cafes as well.  Have to try them all before the health department shuts them down!)  Saturday is also Setsubun, the festival where people throw beans to ward of demons, and eat long sushi rolls.  Hopefully we can sneak that into our program as well.

Other than that things have been pretty quiet here.  I’ve been running, lifting weights with the old people at the gym and still trying to read my mini novel in Japanese (I’m on page 170).  I bought some folding chairs so I could now theoretically fit 3 people in my apartment.  A Japanese friend drove me to the furniture store and also gave me chocolate eggs with star wars toys inside.  I thought she liked me, but it turns out I have to give all the toys back to her after I finish the chocolate.  Okay, keep in touch and stay tuned to see how if I get kidnapped by Yakuza in Tokyo!

The Christmas Rundown

Allow me to adjust my red felt hat and jingling belt before I begin typing.  The holidays are upon us, and that means Christmas jingles and lights everywhere, fried chicken ads on TV and excitement building as we approach the birthdays of Jesus and the Emperor.  We had our usual children’s Christmas party last weekend, and my group did a hidden picture search, with giant Christmas themed pictures projected onto the whiteboard.  Can you find the hidden Christmas fish, Billy?  No more kids parties this year, hooray!

Last weekend I attended a UNESCO workshop for high school students who wanted to discuss global issues.  Unfortunately the organizers decided that we had to discuss EVERY global issue in English within the time limit.  (There are 17 of them according to the UN in case you were wondering).  For next year I’m suggesting that UNESCO focus on funny cat videos, so the kids can get a little more conversation going.  There were over 60 kids and 12 or so English speakers, so I got a chance to network a little with some foreigners I hadn’t met before.  At the end of the event we were paid 3,000, and then I immediately got on a train to Nagoya and went to a concert that cost 3,100 yen.  It was in a little basement venue and the bands were playing a genre called “shoe gaze”.  It’s a form of rock with a lot of weird ambient noise that is apparently geared towards Japanese people who have a hard time making eye contact.  The event was organized by a coworker who spends months recruiting the best shoe gazers from around Japan.  Some people were supper into it, although I probably won’t listen to much shoe gaze until next December.

So this week I had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off.  Then I’ll work tomorrow and fly home on Friday.  No one else I know had the last three days off, so I picked up some discount train tickets and explored for a couple days.  On Tuesday I went to Kobe, which is the sixth biggest city in Japan.  I checked out the famous harbor and went to the top of this huge neon-clad tower, where I gazed at the sprawling metropolis and the giant light up “Merry Christmas” spelled out on the hills beyond the city.

Yesterday I went to a huge lake called Hamanako and explored a series of little islands that are connected by bridges.  Then I explored more in the nearby city of Hamamatsu, which I knew nothing about except that sometimes trains out of Ogaki terminate there.  It turns out it’s a huge city with 700,000 some people and a 50 story tower next to the train station.  I was going for two towers in two days, but sadly the Hamamatsu tower observation deck closed at 5:30.  Both trips took over 2 hours each way but only cost about $20 each thanks to a special seasonal ticket that lets you ride unlimited local trains for a whole day. 

Okay, I’m off to pick up a few Christmasy things and then start packing.  I’ll see everyone in a few days.

November

I see I’ve let nearly another month pass without a post, so let’s see what I can dig up to report.  Last weekend we had a huge Thanksgiving party at an American coworker’s house in Nagoya.  We crammed 16 people and about 50 pounds of food into a little living room that was about 200 square feet.  Our host somehow got a turkey (not available in stores here) and brought stuffing mix from the States.  It turns out Japanese people love stuffing for some reason.  I even got to watch the Vikings beat the Lions on tape delay!  It turned out to be almost all work people so it felt oddly like another company event, but fortunately there was also a ton of alcohol (including jello shots) so we were all able to communicate smoothly.  I made a solid 20 servings of mashed sweet potatoes, which unfortunately were underappreciated, so I have been eating sweet potatoes every day for the past week.  They are starting to grow on me.

What else?  I went to another opera concert, although this one was not followed by a raging after party or a cross dressing bar.  Come to think of it, I haven’t even cross dressed since my last blog post.  My singing coworker is taking a break from opera after this, so I soaked up as much of it as possible.  At the concert I also met my land lord and the president of Shimon.  Ogaki can be a really small city sometimes.

Other than that, I have been a little stressed about work for a while.  My boss gave us our new schedule for next year, which initially had me working on Saturday and continuing on at my three least favorite branches.  I balked at that and after hearing how badly my classes have been going, he agreed to give me a new schedule with no Saturdays.  He is also going to spread my crappy branches out amongst four Americans next year, so now I will have some people to commiserate with.  I will be teaching four days a week in Hellos, which will be similar to the classes I taught last time around.  I will still be “rented out” to Shimon on Wednesdays.  My other boss (the Shimon one) was very understanding about the change.  Although he invented the program I’ve been teaching this year, he admitted that many teachers have been having problems teaching it, including many students that are not trying or misbehaving.  It’s a relief to have this out of the way, as I’ve been getting progressively more frustrated with work over the last few months. 

Well the only other news I have is that I a got a ridiculously cheap ticket home for the holidays.  I got a direct flight from Tokyo to MSP for only $880.  I will be home from 12/22 to 1/1.  Let me know if you want souvenirs from Japan!  Otherwise you’re all getting used panties for Christmas!! 

Further Reflections on Cross Dressing

Hello friends and sorry for the radio silence the past few weeks.  Life has been rather dull, largely thanks to two Typhoons passing through on consecutive weekends.  I had two straight weekends of literally pouring rain from Friday night to Sunday night.  At least I didn’t get swept out to sea so I guess I have something to be thankful for.

Our kid’s Halloween party was a success, and my cross dressing lunch lady costume was wildly popular.  Actually I think the moms that came with the little kids got the biggest kick out of it.  I didn’t think a costume consisting of a blonde wig, an apron and two rolled up socks would delight so many people.  I think next Halloween I will be a cross dressing witch. 

I was also forced to wear a one piece elastic Mario costume for an entire day of work this Monday.  I actually got lucky as the branch boss dressed as Yoshi (the turtle/dinosaur) which was a heavy cloth costume on a not-so-cool fall day.  The kids were delighted.  I have one particular class of eight grade boys that has been behaving terribly, so I was planning on giving them a good talking-to on that day, but the felt mustache I had taped on my lip derailed those plans.  For some unknown reason the boys all participated, didn’t make any dirty jokes and stayed in their desks for the full 45 minutes.  I guess I have to wear another cosutme next week.

Speaking of dressing up, I went to a cross dressing bar last night.  Two coworkers and I decided to do it on a whim after splitting a bottle of wine.  The bar is only 10 minutes from our house, and there were two “hostesess” there that poured drinks and chatted with us for an hour.  The whole thing was really silly and one of the “ladies” was a 60 year old man in a wig with no make up.  At the end we had a fencing duel with foam sords and he (whoops she) beat me soundly.  In the Japanese tradition, we each paid a flat $30 fee for an set period of drinks and conversation.  At the end I found out I had been charged an extra $10 for letting our hostess have a drink as well.  The hostess bar experience has been on Japanese bucket list for a while, so the gender bending thing was really just a bonus.  If there had been actual women there pretending to flirt with me there’s no knowing how much money I would have wasted!

Other than that I have been trying to read a light novel that I accidnetally bought.  I though it was a comic book, so I bought a set of three for like three dollars.  It turns out light novels are just small books with pictures every 20 or 30 pages.  So far in two weeks I’m up to page 60.  It’s even less impressive than it sounds since the book is like 3x4 inches and each page has 10 lines of text.  Oh well, another thing off my bucket list.

Okay it’s a work night here, so I should wrap up and get back to watching late night TV and plotting revenge on the teacher who made me wear the Mario suit.  Good luck and good night!

On Being Pelted with Rice Balls and Preparing to Cross Dress (again).

Hello friends, family and internet stalkers!  Here’s a quick rundown on my activities for the past few weeks to help you feel up to date in touch with your Japanese side.  Today was the Jumangoku festival, which the Ogaki city website translates as “festival of 10,000 stones”.  It features a big parade where people march through the streets carrying ornate mini shrines attached to poles that people put on their shoulders to carry the shrines in the parade through the city.  You get the idea.  In the past there was a group of Americans that carried a float, but I was unable to find anyone who was doing it this year, and didn’t see any foreigners in the parade.  I did get to participate in Mochi-nage for the first time though.  This is a fun event where men on 20 foot high platforms pelt crowds of spectators with Mochi (hard sticky rice balls).  I caught one and ate it.  It tasted like rice.  The other participants, from children to old people, showed no reservations about diving between my legs and scrambling on all fours to get their Mochi.  Luckily there was plenty for all.

Last weekend I had a fun time visiting an organic farm run by a Chinese family on the outskirts of town.  The mom took us out in the fields and four of us picked about 12 cubic yards of herbs and peppers and potatoes.  It only cost $10 but I have no idea how to cook with most of the plants I picked.  I am enjoying the spicy peppers but remain perplexed as to how to use 4 pounds of basil. 

Next weekend we have a Halloween party for the kids.  I am going as a lunch lady to fulfill my role in a play we are putting on.  The play is about zombies that eat PB&J.  Then I’m doing a game that involves racing plastic spiders by blowing them with straws.  Should be fun, although I’d enjoy it more if my students were invited. 

Work has continued to present problems, the most recent of which is that all the branches are closed the week after next, except for one.  The single renegade branch boss may cause me to have a one day work week instead of a week off.  Really I wouldn’t care, as no one else I know has time off that week and I obviously haven’t had time to plan anything.  The reason for this situation is that Shimon is taking a 5 day company trip to Hawaii (with over 100 staff!)  It’s cool that the company would offer something like that, although I’m not sure if it makes up for the required 14 hour days most staff work over summer break.  Alright, rather than stressing about work, I’m going to go eat spicy pepper and read the 500 page comic book that I bought for $4.  Until we meet again!

Blond Jesus and Emergency Toilets

Good evening dear readers.  Another long week of squeezing English out of reluctant Japanese children is in the books, so I thought I would bring you up to speed on this lovely Saturday night.  Fall semester is in full swing, although it’s still 80 degrees here most days.  The main change lately is that three Americans have left, which brings our total down to nine.  The last couple of weeks we were able to get in a lot of fun, including Karaoke and $1 drinks at the nearby German tent restaurant. 

The kids are settling back into school and thankfully I only have 2 or 3 new students this term.  I am still struggling to remember the names of kids that I’ve had since April, partially thanks to the fact that at some branches my classes are “optional”.   This means the kids can skip them if they have a test coming up or if they got hit in the head with a basketball and can’t remember how to do their homework.

One class of all 9^th grade boys has begun to suspect that I speak fluent Japanese and has been trying to make me laugh by whispering ridiculous Japanese words in class.  I asked them if they knew “coming of age day” (a national holiday in January) and one boy responded “graduate from virginity day?”  I burst out laughing, and now my credibility is lost.

Last weekend the whole gang of went to a Japanese wedding which was actually a first for me.  The groom is a coworker, although I don’t teach with him so I only see him once a week at our Friday meetings.  The ceremony was very short and spectacularly choreographed, including a choir dressed in all white singing amazing grace in English.  It was also in a chapel, although not a real chapel, just a fancy wedding-venue-only chapel.  It had rows of pews, white marble flooring, and stained glass windows complete with a Madonna and blond baby Jesus.  Thankfully the couple didn’t hire a white man to pretend to be a priest, which is common here.  After the ceremony there was a lavish banquet where members of the wedding party took turns pouring beer for each guest.  The groom must have about 16 brothers and sisters because I consumed about 2 gallons of beer without requesting a refill once.  Thankfully there was also an after party where they rented out an entire restaurant for two hours, also with unlimited alcohol.  We played bingo and I won an emergency survival kit.  It contains items such as rope, nail clippers, a tarp and an “emergency toilet”.  Not quite sure how that one works yet.  It was fitting prize though, since just as we arrived home a typhoon passed through.  No one was swept away, and sadly the water supply was not disrupted so I didn’t get a chance to try my emergency toilet.

Okay, hopefully something exciting will happen soon and I’ll have more to write about.  Until then, Sayonara!

Fall is here!

Hi everyone!  It’s September already and I’ve been back to work for two weeks after a refreshing vacation in Minnesota.  The weather took a much needed turn towards fall just a few days ago, so I can run outside again without my scuba mask.  Actually I joined a small gym above a super market last month so I would have a place to run inside.  Now I’m torn as to whether I should get my money’s worth or enjoy the nice weather.

It’s Monday here and the kids should be back in school starting today.  That means when I show up for work the school will be empty instead of having a dozen 9^th graders milling around the lobby.  That should be nice.  The bad part about work is that I have classes all this week while all the other Americans are off.  Last week I only had one day of class, which I found out on Monday.  I wound up taking Wednesday through Friday off and doing very little.  I may have another vacation in October, when Shimon shuts down and all the teachers go to Hawaii for 5 days.  (The other Americans will still be working though.  Confused yet?).

Also September is a big transition for the American crew.  A new teacher has arrived and we’re losing three old ones.  Since we’re in the overlap period right now there are a total of 12 of us (I think) and we’ve been having a lot of festivities and generally being social.  Last week we had a banquet for all 20 Hellos staff.  We rented a private room at a nice restaurant and had all you can Sashimi and Sukiyaki for two hours.  There was also a tremendous amount of alcohol.  As the party was starting I learned that it was also my (belated) welcome party so I got to sit at the same table as the company president (again).  No palm readings this time, as he was much more focused on the young female teachers around me.

Last night we went to a soccer game.  We had a group of ten and we got tickets to sit on the big grassy area behind the goal.  Our hometown Gifu team is in division II, so tickets are just $10.  Our team won 2-1, although the real highlight was the cheering section, when like a hundred people sang fight songs in unison for the entire game.  Like singing and dancing for two hours straight. 

Okay that should be enough paragraphs to satisfy most of you.  I’m off to get ready for another work week!

Bon Odori and English Days

Okay kids, I’m going to keep this one short as I’ll be home in a few days and will be able to catch up with you all then.  My classes started back up again after a week of sitting around the office.  The kids are on summer break but most of them still stop by our branches to keep us company from time to time.  Actually our schools are extra busy and open extended hours.  One branch was so full I taught four classes of “English conversation” to junior high kids in the office.  Like the teacher’s office with the copy machine and the ringing phone and all.  I think the kids deserved a refund for that one.  At one branch my high school classes are canceled for the summer.  At another branch I have high school classes, but with different random students each week.  My elementary kids get the a special summer course called “Popcorn S” where the anthropomorphic popcorn man in the Power Point now wears sunglasses and a summer hat. 

This weekend there was another festival in town.  This one was the “water city festival” where people make little paper lantern things that float, and then send them down the river.  The first float to go was a huge one with a giant picture of the face of the city planner guy who is in charge of the festival.  I put a picture of it on Facebook.

The festival also featured a group dance called Bon Odori.  Somehow I lived in Japan for three years without getting roped into doing it once.  Basically everyone just dances in a huge slow moving circle to some slow 50 year old pop songs.  It’s kind of fun, but I could never remember when I was supposed to go backward, so I the people behind me were a little uncomfortable. 

Well tomorrow is our “English Days” camping trip.  About 20 staff members take 70 elementary aged kids on an overnight trip to a rustic nature center.    I have to up at 6am the next two days, and literally every hour of both days is filled with scheduled activities that we get to run.  My main activity for the first day got changed at the last minute, so now I’ll be in the video room showing Pixar shorts.  I am lucky not have to be outside in 90 degree heat.

The trip ends Tuesday and I’m flying home Thursday for 10 days.  See you soon!

Birthday Palm Readings and Paper Fans

Hello again internet comrades.  Thank you for sparing a moment of your valuable internet time to catch up with me!  First off, this week I did not teach a single class!  Since it was the first week of our summer schedule, basically everything was canceled and many of the branches were actually shut.  I didn’t discover this until after I had bicycled 6 miles to my Monday branch.   I think I actually should have been off this week, but due to lack of planning I spent the week cutting strips of fabric for an upcoming craft, and handing out paper fans to promote our new branch in Nagoya.  The root of the problem is that I work at Shimon schools, but am actually employed by Hellos English.  So while I was fooling around all week the other Hellos teachers were administering finals and holding parent teacher conferences.  I wonder if they noticed me twiddling my thumbs in the corner…  But never fear, I’ll be back to work tomorrow with a confusingly altered class schedule.  I learn as I go.

So the week before last I had my birthday brunch.  Over 20 July babies went out to an Italian restaurant and had a 5 course meal complete with a happy birthday serenade from the staff.  I sat next to the company president who demanded that I make a speech in English and then translate it into Japanese.  I told everyone that even though I was born in July I don’t like hot weather.  Deep, huh?  The president also gave me a palm reading and discovered that I will live a long life despite having my heart broken as a young man.  He is not your typical boss.

I also had my birthday one week ago.  I got a couple people to go bowling with me and we managed to knock over a few pins.  Then some other Americans surprised me with rice crispy bars and cake.  It was subdued but a big improvement over my last birthday when I worked and four buses overheated in the span of two hours. 

This weekend I went to an Opera concert.  My coworker and former classmate Ryan is an avid singer and invited all of us to his yearly performance.  The event was sold out and people were actually lined up outside the door.  I couldn’t figure out what language they were singing in most of the time, but I enjoyed the extremely shiny and provocative costumes.  Afterword we had a big a party at the apartments and took shots of carbonated sake out of square wooden shot glasses. 

Well that’s all for this report.  I’ll be back again in a week or two!

Summer!

Hi folks, time for a quick word from Japan.  The rainy/crappy season continues here and the past couple of weekends have been humid, cloudy and 90+ degrees.  So no outdoor adventures unfortunately.  I am looking forward to nicer weather though, as yesterday I bought a unicycle at a second hand shop.  It was 50 bucks and rides pretty well.  The seat is too low for me though.  I’ve fallen off quite a bit from my prime, but I can still ride in straight, turn and stop pretty well.  It will be fun to see if I get even more stares riding down the street on one wheel.  I also found a gym inside a shopping mall near my house that only costs like $25 dollars a month.  I am debating if I can motivate myself enough to go when it’s too sticky to run outside.  It’s in the same building as the 24 hour supermarket (five minutes from my house).  The supermarket is ridiculously convenient, but it’s impossible to go to without seeing coworkers.  On Friday at 1130pm I ran into to three Japanese Shimon teachers in one shopping trip.  None of them mentioned that the strange fruit liquor I had selected was actually intended as a base for brewing your own home made fruit liquor.  Oops.  I found that out after I opened it and started drinking.

Well, it’s mid-July and that means my birthday is coming up.  Tomorrow I’m going to a birthday lunch that the company president throws for all employees once a month.  We’re going to a fancy Italian place with a three course lunch.  Word is I have to make a speech at some point.  Not sure if it will be in English.  I don’t know how many people will be there, but there are at least 5 July birthdays just in our section.

The kids are nearly to the end of the semester and are behaving wildly.  On Wednesday a 10 year old boy said the F word several times in class.  When I scolded him he insisted he had no idea what he had done wrong.  The he turned to the boy behind him, whispered “Fuck fuck” and gave him a double middle finger.  I blame the TV.  Summer vacation should start any minute now, but I still am not sure what my teaching schedule will be for July and August.  The kids come to the branches any time between 10am and 10pm, and they often have special study camps, where we challenge them to study for 8 or 10 hours straight.  Fun times. 

The one thing I do know about my summer schedule is that I have a plane ticket to come home from August 10^th to August 20^th.  I put this at the very end of the blog to see who reads it all the way through.  Congratulations for making it this far without a half-naked picture or the promise of a free credit score.  See you soon!