The Christmas Rundown

Allow me to adjust my red felt hat and jingling belt before I begin typing.  The holidays are upon us, and that means Christmas jingles and lights everywhere, fried chicken ads on TV and excitement building as we approach the birthdays of Jesus and the Emperor.  We had our usual children’s Christmas party last weekend, and my group did a hidden picture search, with giant Christmas themed pictures projected onto the whiteboard.  Can you find the hidden Christmas fish, Billy?  No more kids parties this year, hooray!

Last weekend I attended a UNESCO workshop for high school students who wanted to discuss global issues.  Unfortunately the organizers decided that we had to discuss EVERY global issue in English within the time limit.  (There are 17 of them according to the UN in case you were wondering).  For next year I’m suggesting that UNESCO focus on funny cat videos, so the kids can get a little more conversation going.  There were over 60 kids and 12 or so English speakers, so I got a chance to network a little with some foreigners I hadn’t met before.  At the end of the event we were paid 3,000, and then I immediately got on a train to Nagoya and went to a concert that cost 3,100 yen.  It was in a little basement venue and the bands were playing a genre called “shoe gaze”.  It’s a form of rock with a lot of weird ambient noise that is apparently geared towards Japanese people who have a hard time making eye contact.  The event was organized by a coworker who spends months recruiting the best shoe gazers from around Japan.  Some people were supper into it, although I probably won’t listen to much shoe gaze until next December.

So this week I had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off.  Then I’ll work tomorrow and fly home on Friday.  No one else I know had the last three days off, so I picked up some discount train tickets and explored for a couple days.  On Tuesday I went to Kobe, which is the sixth biggest city in Japan.  I checked out the famous harbor and went to the top of this huge neon-clad tower, where I gazed at the sprawling metropolis and the giant light up “Merry Christmas” spelled out on the hills beyond the city.

Yesterday I went to a huge lake called Hamanako and explored a series of little islands that are connected by bridges.  Then I explored more in the nearby city of Hamamatsu, which I knew nothing about except that sometimes trains out of Ogaki terminate there.  It turns out it’s a huge city with 700,000 some people and a 50 story tower next to the train station.  I was going for two towers in two days, but sadly the Hamamatsu tower observation deck closed at 5:30.  Both trips took over 2 hours each way but only cost about $20 each thanks to a special seasonal ticket that lets you ride unlimited local trains for a whole day. 

Okay, I’m off to pick up a few Christmasy things and then start packing.  I’ll see everyone in a few days.

November

I see I’ve let nearly another month pass without a post, so let’s see what I can dig up to report.  Last weekend we had a huge Thanksgiving party at an American coworker’s house in Nagoya.  We crammed 16 people and about 50 pounds of food into a little living room that was about 200 square feet.  Our host somehow got a turkey (not available in stores here) and brought stuffing mix from the States.  It turns out Japanese people love stuffing for some reason.  I even got to watch the Vikings beat the Lions on tape delay!  It turned out to be almost all work people so it felt oddly like another company event, but fortunately there was also a ton of alcohol (including jello shots) so we were all able to communicate smoothly.  I made a solid 20 servings of mashed sweet potatoes, which unfortunately were underappreciated, so I have been eating sweet potatoes every day for the past week.  They are starting to grow on me.

What else?  I went to another opera concert, although this one was not followed by a raging after party or a cross dressing bar.  Come to think of it, I haven’t even cross dressed since my last blog post.  My singing coworker is taking a break from opera after this, so I soaked up as much of it as possible.  At the concert I also met my land lord and the president of Shimon.  Ogaki can be a really small city sometimes.

Other than that, I have been a little stressed about work for a while.  My boss gave us our new schedule for next year, which initially had me working on Saturday and continuing on at my three least favorite branches.  I balked at that and after hearing how badly my classes have been going, he agreed to give me a new schedule with no Saturdays.  He is also going to spread my crappy branches out amongst four Americans next year, so now I will have some people to commiserate with.  I will be teaching four days a week in Hellos, which will be similar to the classes I taught last time around.  I will still be “rented out” to Shimon on Wednesdays.  My other boss (the Shimon one) was very understanding about the change.  Although he invented the program I’ve been teaching this year, he admitted that many teachers have been having problems teaching it, including many students that are not trying or misbehaving.  It’s a relief to have this out of the way, as I’ve been getting progressively more frustrated with work over the last few months. 

Well the only other news I have is that I a got a ridiculously cheap ticket home for the holidays.  I got a direct flight from Tokyo to MSP for only $880.  I will be home from 12/22 to 1/1.  Let me know if you want souvenirs from Japan!  Otherwise you’re all getting used panties for Christmas!! 

Further Reflections on Cross Dressing

Hello friends and sorry for the radio silence the past few weeks.  Life has been rather dull, largely thanks to two Typhoons passing through on consecutive weekends.  I had two straight weekends of literally pouring rain from Friday night to Sunday night.  At least I didn’t get swept out to sea so I guess I have something to be thankful for.

Our kid’s Halloween party was a success, and my cross dressing lunch lady costume was wildly popular.  Actually I think the moms that came with the little kids got the biggest kick out of it.  I didn’t think a costume consisting of a blonde wig, an apron and two rolled up socks would delight so many people.  I think next Halloween I will be a cross dressing witch. 

I was also forced to wear a one piece elastic Mario costume for an entire day of work this Monday.  I actually got lucky as the branch boss dressed as Yoshi (the turtle/dinosaur) which was a heavy cloth costume on a not-so-cool fall day.  The kids were delighted.  I have one particular class of eight grade boys that has been behaving terribly, so I was planning on giving them a good talking-to on that day, but the felt mustache I had taped on my lip derailed those plans.  For some unknown reason the boys all participated, didn’t make any dirty jokes and stayed in their desks for the full 45 minutes.  I guess I have to wear another cosutme next week.

Speaking of dressing up, I went to a cross dressing bar last night.  Two coworkers and I decided to do it on a whim after splitting a bottle of wine.  The bar is only 10 minutes from our house, and there were two “hostesess” there that poured drinks and chatted with us for an hour.  The whole thing was really silly and one of the “ladies” was a 60 year old man in a wig with no make up.  At the end we had a fencing duel with foam sords and he (whoops she) beat me soundly.  In the Japanese tradition, we each paid a flat $30 fee for an set period of drinks and conversation.  At the end I found out I had been charged an extra $10 for letting our hostess have a drink as well.  The hostess bar experience has been on Japanese bucket list for a while, so the gender bending thing was really just a bonus.  If there had been actual women there pretending to flirt with me there’s no knowing how much money I would have wasted!

Other than that I have been trying to read a light novel that I accidnetally bought.  I though it was a comic book, so I bought a set of three for like three dollars.  It turns out light novels are just small books with pictures every 20 or 30 pages.  So far in two weeks I’m up to page 60.  It’s even less impressive than it sounds since the book is like 3x4 inches and each page has 10 lines of text.  Oh well, another thing off my bucket list.

Okay it’s a work night here, so I should wrap up and get back to watching late night TV and plotting revenge on the teacher who made me wear the Mario suit.  Good luck and good night!

On Being Pelted with Rice Balls and Preparing to Cross Dress (again).

Hello friends, family and internet stalkers!  Here’s a quick rundown on my activities for the past few weeks to help you feel up to date in touch with your Japanese side.  Today was the Jumangoku festival, which the Ogaki city website translates as “festival of 10,000 stones”.  It features a big parade where people march through the streets carrying ornate mini shrines attached to poles that people put on their shoulders to carry the shrines in the parade through the city.  You get the idea.  In the past there was a group of Americans that carried a float, but I was unable to find anyone who was doing it this year, and didn’t see any foreigners in the parade.  I did get to participate in Mochi-nage for the first time though.  This is a fun event where men on 20 foot high platforms pelt crowds of spectators with Mochi (hard sticky rice balls).  I caught one and ate it.  It tasted like rice.  The other participants, from children to old people, showed no reservations about diving between my legs and scrambling on all fours to get their Mochi.  Luckily there was plenty for all.

Last weekend I had a fun time visiting an organic farm run by a Chinese family on the outskirts of town.  The mom took us out in the fields and four of us picked about 12 cubic yards of herbs and peppers and potatoes.  It only cost $10 but I have no idea how to cook with most of the plants I picked.  I am enjoying the spicy peppers but remain perplexed as to how to use 4 pounds of basil. 

Next weekend we have a Halloween party for the kids.  I am going as a lunch lady to fulfill my role in a play we are putting on.  The play is about zombies that eat PB&J.  Then I’m doing a game that involves racing plastic spiders by blowing them with straws.  Should be fun, although I’d enjoy it more if my students were invited. 

Work has continued to present problems, the most recent of which is that all the branches are closed the week after next, except for one.  The single renegade branch boss may cause me to have a one day work week instead of a week off.  Really I wouldn’t care, as no one else I know has time off that week and I obviously haven’t had time to plan anything.  The reason for this situation is that Shimon is taking a 5 day company trip to Hawaii (with over 100 staff!)  It’s cool that the company would offer something like that, although I’m not sure if it makes up for the required 14 hour days most staff work over summer break.  Alright, rather than stressing about work, I’m going to go eat spicy pepper and read the 500 page comic book that I bought for $4.  Until we meet again!

Blond Jesus and Emergency Toilets

Good evening dear readers.  Another long week of squeezing English out of reluctant Japanese children is in the books, so I thought I would bring you up to speed on this lovely Saturday night.  Fall semester is in full swing, although it’s still 80 degrees here most days.  The main change lately is that three Americans have left, which brings our total down to nine.  The last couple of weeks we were able to get in a lot of fun, including Karaoke and $1 drinks at the nearby German tent restaurant. 

The kids are settling back into school and thankfully I only have 2 or 3 new students this term.  I am still struggling to remember the names of kids that I’ve had since April, partially thanks to the fact that at some branches my classes are “optional”.   This means the kids can skip them if they have a test coming up or if they got hit in the head with a basketball and can’t remember how to do their homework.

One class of all 9^th grade boys has begun to suspect that I speak fluent Japanese and has been trying to make me laugh by whispering ridiculous Japanese words in class.  I asked them if they knew “coming of age day” (a national holiday in January) and one boy responded “graduate from virginity day?”  I burst out laughing, and now my credibility is lost.

Last weekend the whole gang of went to a Japanese wedding which was actually a first for me.  The groom is a coworker, although I don’t teach with him so I only see him once a week at our Friday meetings.  The ceremony was very short and spectacularly choreographed, including a choir dressed in all white singing amazing grace in English.  It was also in a chapel, although not a real chapel, just a fancy wedding-venue-only chapel.  It had rows of pews, white marble flooring, and stained glass windows complete with a Madonna and blond baby Jesus.  Thankfully the couple didn’t hire a white man to pretend to be a priest, which is common here.  After the ceremony there was a lavish banquet where members of the wedding party took turns pouring beer for each guest.  The groom must have about 16 brothers and sisters because I consumed about 2 gallons of beer without requesting a refill once.  Thankfully there was also an after party where they rented out an entire restaurant for two hours, also with unlimited alcohol.  We played bingo and I won an emergency survival kit.  It contains items such as rope, nail clippers, a tarp and an “emergency toilet”.  Not quite sure how that one works yet.  It was fitting prize though, since just as we arrived home a typhoon passed through.  No one was swept away, and sadly the water supply was not disrupted so I didn’t get a chance to try my emergency toilet.

Okay, hopefully something exciting will happen soon and I’ll have more to write about.  Until then, Sayonara!

Fall is here!

Hi everyone!  It’s September already and I’ve been back to work for two weeks after a refreshing vacation in Minnesota.  The weather took a much needed turn towards fall just a few days ago, so I can run outside again without my scuba mask.  Actually I joined a small gym above a super market last month so I would have a place to run inside.  Now I’m torn as to whether I should get my money’s worth or enjoy the nice weather.

It’s Monday here and the kids should be back in school starting today.  That means when I show up for work the school will be empty instead of having a dozen 9^th graders milling around the lobby.  That should be nice.  The bad part about work is that I have classes all this week while all the other Americans are off.  Last week I only had one day of class, which I found out on Monday.  I wound up taking Wednesday through Friday off and doing very little.  I may have another vacation in October, when Shimon shuts down and all the teachers go to Hawaii for 5 days.  (The other Americans will still be working though.  Confused yet?).

Also September is a big transition for the American crew.  A new teacher has arrived and we’re losing three old ones.  Since we’re in the overlap period right now there are a total of 12 of us (I think) and we’ve been having a lot of festivities and generally being social.  Last week we had a banquet for all 20 Hellos staff.  We rented a private room at a nice restaurant and had all you can Sashimi and Sukiyaki for two hours.  There was also a tremendous amount of alcohol.  As the party was starting I learned that it was also my (belated) welcome party so I got to sit at the same table as the company president (again).  No palm readings this time, as he was much more focused on the young female teachers around me.

Last night we went to a soccer game.  We had a group of ten and we got tickets to sit on the big grassy area behind the goal.  Our hometown Gifu team is in division II, so tickets are just $10.  Our team won 2-1, although the real highlight was the cheering section, when like a hundred people sang fight songs in unison for the entire game.  Like singing and dancing for two hours straight. 

Okay that should be enough paragraphs to satisfy most of you.  I’m off to get ready for another work week!

Bon Odori and English Days

Okay kids, I’m going to keep this one short as I’ll be home in a few days and will be able to catch up with you all then.  My classes started back up again after a week of sitting around the office.  The kids are on summer break but most of them still stop by our branches to keep us company from time to time.  Actually our schools are extra busy and open extended hours.  One branch was so full I taught four classes of “English conversation” to junior high kids in the office.  Like the teacher’s office with the copy machine and the ringing phone and all.  I think the kids deserved a refund for that one.  At one branch my high school classes are canceled for the summer.  At another branch I have high school classes, but with different random students each week.  My elementary kids get the a special summer course called “Popcorn S” where the anthropomorphic popcorn man in the Power Point now wears sunglasses and a summer hat. 

This weekend there was another festival in town.  This one was the “water city festival” where people make little paper lantern things that float, and then send them down the river.  The first float to go was a huge one with a giant picture of the face of the city planner guy who is in charge of the festival.  I put a picture of it on Facebook.

The festival also featured a group dance called Bon Odori.  Somehow I lived in Japan for three years without getting roped into doing it once.  Basically everyone just dances in a huge slow moving circle to some slow 50 year old pop songs.  It’s kind of fun, but I could never remember when I was supposed to go backward, so I the people behind me were a little uncomfortable. 

Well tomorrow is our “English Days” camping trip.  About 20 staff members take 70 elementary aged kids on an overnight trip to a rustic nature center.    I have to up at 6am the next two days, and literally every hour of both days is filled with scheduled activities that we get to run.  My main activity for the first day got changed at the last minute, so now I’ll be in the video room showing Pixar shorts.  I am lucky not have to be outside in 90 degree heat.

The trip ends Tuesday and I’m flying home Thursday for 10 days.  See you soon!

Birthday Palm Readings and Paper Fans

Hello again internet comrades.  Thank you for sparing a moment of your valuable internet time to catch up with me!  First off, this week I did not teach a single class!  Since it was the first week of our summer schedule, basically everything was canceled and many of the branches were actually shut.  I didn’t discover this until after I had bicycled 6 miles to my Monday branch.   I think I actually should have been off this week, but due to lack of planning I spent the week cutting strips of fabric for an upcoming craft, and handing out paper fans to promote our new branch in Nagoya.  The root of the problem is that I work at Shimon schools, but am actually employed by Hellos English.  So while I was fooling around all week the other Hellos teachers were administering finals and holding parent teacher conferences.  I wonder if they noticed me twiddling my thumbs in the corner…  But never fear, I’ll be back to work tomorrow with a confusingly altered class schedule.  I learn as I go.

So the week before last I had my birthday brunch.  Over 20 July babies went out to an Italian restaurant and had a 5 course meal complete with a happy birthday serenade from the staff.  I sat next to the company president who demanded that I make a speech in English and then translate it into Japanese.  I told everyone that even though I was born in July I don’t like hot weather.  Deep, huh?  The president also gave me a palm reading and discovered that I will live a long life despite having my heart broken as a young man.  He is not your typical boss.

I also had my birthday one week ago.  I got a couple people to go bowling with me and we managed to knock over a few pins.  Then some other Americans surprised me with rice crispy bars and cake.  It was subdued but a big improvement over my last birthday when I worked and four buses overheated in the span of two hours. 

This weekend I went to an Opera concert.  My coworker and former classmate Ryan is an avid singer and invited all of us to his yearly performance.  The event was sold out and people were actually lined up outside the door.  I couldn’t figure out what language they were singing in most of the time, but I enjoyed the extremely shiny and provocative costumes.  Afterword we had a big a party at the apartments and took shots of carbonated sake out of square wooden shot glasses. 

Well that’s all for this report.  I’ll be back again in a week or two!

Summer!

Hi folks, time for a quick word from Japan.  The rainy/crappy season continues here and the past couple of weekends have been humid, cloudy and 90+ degrees.  So no outdoor adventures unfortunately.  I am looking forward to nicer weather though, as yesterday I bought a unicycle at a second hand shop.  It was 50 bucks and rides pretty well.  The seat is too low for me though.  I’ve fallen off quite a bit from my prime, but I can still ride in straight, turn and stop pretty well.  It will be fun to see if I get even more stares riding down the street on one wheel.  I also found a gym inside a shopping mall near my house that only costs like $25 dollars a month.  I am debating if I can motivate myself enough to go when it’s too sticky to run outside.  It’s in the same building as the 24 hour supermarket (five minutes from my house).  The supermarket is ridiculously convenient, but it’s impossible to go to without seeing coworkers.  On Friday at 1130pm I ran into to three Japanese Shimon teachers in one shopping trip.  None of them mentioned that the strange fruit liquor I had selected was actually intended as a base for brewing your own home made fruit liquor.  Oops.  I found that out after I opened it and started drinking.

Well, it’s mid-July and that means my birthday is coming up.  Tomorrow I’m going to a birthday lunch that the company president throws for all employees once a month.  We’re going to a fancy Italian place with a three course lunch.  Word is I have to make a speech at some point.  Not sure if it will be in English.  I don’t know how many people will be there, but there are at least 5 July birthdays just in our section.

The kids are nearly to the end of the semester and are behaving wildly.  On Wednesday a 10 year old boy said the F word several times in class.  When I scolded him he insisted he had no idea what he had done wrong.  The he turned to the boy behind him, whispered “Fuck fuck” and gave him a double middle finger.  I blame the TV.  Summer vacation should start any minute now, but I still am not sure what my teaching schedule will be for July and August.  The kids come to the branches any time between 10am and 10pm, and they often have special study camps, where we challenge them to study for 8 or 10 hours straight.  Fun times. 

The one thing I do know about my summer schedule is that I have a plane ticket to come home from August 10^th to August 20^th.  I put this at the very end of the blog to see who reads it all the way through.  Congratulations for making it this far without a half-naked picture or the promise of a free credit score.  See you soon!

Not much new, but here you go.

Hi friends.  It’s been a couple weeks and I really don’t have anything new to share but I thought I would check in to give you your much deserved peace of mind.  The rainy season is here in Japan, although it seems to have started a couple of weeks later than usual.  I’m not sure if that means it will end later or not.  Work is about the same.   They continue to throw new classes at me every week which continues to piss me off.  I have realized that for almost all of my students, my class is their first English speaking class ever.  This Thursday in one of my elementary classes, one boy started shouting all the answers.  With him being the largest student in the class, all of the other children naturally followed.  Now I have 11 fifth and sixth graders bellowing in unison at my command.  Not sure where to direct this energy.

Outside of work, I’ve been running a few times a week, reading some Japanese on the internet and trying to figure out ways to meet more people.  I’m slowly getting to know the Japanese people at work, but they all seem sort of stressed out and don’t chat much before or after class in any language.  I’ll continue working on this, and hopefully find an alcohol based solution soon.

Well this morning I was shaken awake by a 5.2 earthquake in Nagano, a couple hundred miles away.  It was the first one I’ve felt since I’ve been here.  I think my room being one floor higher than last time makes them seem stronger.  It’s either that or my reoccurring nightmare of being stuck on a malfunctioning mechanical bull.  Okay, I will check back in in a while.  Have a super night!

Full Trains and Empty Mountains

Another fairly bland week is in the books folks.  The highlight this week was a hike I took to a mountain called Shizugatake.  It was about 90 minutes by train from my house and the hike to the top took another 90.  The summit offered a 360 degree panorama including two major lakes: Lake Yago (the small one) and Lake Biwa (the biggest Lake in Japan, where I lived during study abroad.)  My original plan was just to hike around the smaller lake and I didn’t even realize there was a trail to the top of the mountain.  Overall one of the coolest views I’ve seen anywhere, and not a soul in sight anywhere on the mountain.  See my picture on Facebook if you haven’t yet.

Other than that work is about the same.  Next week I am going to start a four week one-on-one class with a fourth grader who is going to the US over summer break.  I have no idea how these classes come into existence.  I imagine someone just walks into a branch and asks if they can whip up a custom course for their kid.  My boss must be hoping to rope in a 10 year old who will continue for the next five years.

On Friday I rode a full train for the first time.  You must be thinking “that’s impossible, he’s ridden hundreds of trains.”  Well the trains out of Nagoya run every 15 minutes and the 10:30 train was delayed 35 minutes.  (Yes, 10:30 pm).  Then when it showed up it was four cars long instead of eight.  So three trains-worth of people in half a train.  I was literally shoved against the wall with four people pushing into me.  Lovely.  Now I understand why groping on trains is a problem.  One guy actually got his watch caught on my belt buckle while trying to check his phone.  I’m really glad I don’t commute in rush hour now.

On Saturday night a few Americans watched the movie Tusk.  I highly recommend it if you’ve ever wondered about surgically altering a human to resemble a walrus.  It has Johnny Depp too!

Okay, back to work tomorrow.  I’m off to practice cooking rice and learn those last 700 Kanji!!

Two Months in.

Hmm, looks like it’s already been two months since I’ve moved to Japan.  The time is passing quickly and I feel mostly settled into a routine.  Work is getting smoother and I’m able anticipate most problems before they occur based on the people I work with at each branch.  For example: Branch where the guy gets there 45 minutes before class and spends 30 minutes frantically apologizing to people on the phone:  Didn’t have the new workbook.  Branch where the guy gets there 45 minutes before class and spends 30 minutes eating fried chicken:  Did not have the new workbook or the printed homework.  Branch where the guy sits in on every class and gets to work early to pull weeds out of the parking lot: Had extra workbooks and homework prints. 

Two days a week I still have Japanese teachers that sit in on my elementary classes.  One of them is fluent in English and seems like he wouldn’t mind teaching the class.  The other has never said a word of English to me but I’ve seen him helping students with English homework.  So I don’t know if he’s evaluating my teaching or just trying to learn shapes and colors.  He also wears sweet custom suits and cowboy boots to work.  The mysteries continue to unfold.

So outside of work I’ve been getting to know to the other American teachers and biking/running/hiking a fair amount.  The nice weather has been holding up and I’m currently slightly sunburned and enjoying a cool breeze I’ve created by cracking my door and window.   This week we had Sunday brunch complete with Bloody Marys.  Five of us also went to see the latest X Men movie which had amazing stabbing sound effects but a pretty basic plot.  I’m a little bit frustrated because it’s taking longer than I expected to make local friends.  It doesn’t help that all the Japanese people I work with are full-timers, so they work past midnight most nights, and also a lot of weekends.  For inspiration, I’m reading my old blogs from my first two trips here.  They remind that it took a lot of time and patience to build up a fun social life.  They also remind me of main regret, which was not studying more in the free time I had in the first few months.  Fortunately this time around I’ve mostly made the jump to studying real Japanese as opposed to text books.  Today I read the Huffington Post article about overcoming eating disorders and then watched a dubbed episode of Castle with Japanese subs turned on.  I think listening to the Japanese and reading it at the same time helps.  The dubbed American shows are actually easier to understand.  I think it’s because the voice actors are speaking straight into the mic.  Well I kind of feel like I’m rambling here and not really saying much interesting.  I’ll update again when I do something cool.  Good night all.

Don Quixote and German Tents

Okay, time for another quick and unremarkable post.  I’ve continued my hectic work schedule of going to six branches a week and getting home at 11:30 most nights.  I had my final “Tea Time in English” with two more Shimon teachers and we all agreed to have “Beer Time in English” next time we are all free.  The leading choice for venue is a converted greenhouse/tent thingy in a rice field that serves German beer.  It’s like three blocks from my house and it never occurred to me that a red, yellow and black tent could be a German restaurant.

Well mid-terms are coming up and that means several of my English conversation classes may canceled this week.  I’m not too bummed as these are my toughest classes, which combine 7^th and 9^th graders.  Not 7-9^th graders, just 7^th and 9^th with no 8^th graders.  It’s a very weird mix, especially considering most of the kids don’t know each other and have never been in a class where they were asked to speak English.  Last week we went around the room saying our favorite pets and it took about 2 minutes for each kid.  Come on Timmy, just fucking say “cat”!  My other classes are going pretty good though, and most of the elementary kids are starting to speak out.  They especially like it when they find errors in the power point presentation.  This week there was a slide with a picture of an orange umbrella and the Japanese subtitle said “white cat”.  I got a big rise out of the kids by pounding my fist on the screen and insisting that it said orange umbrella.  The power points are made by my supervisor, who is a really neat guy and a total workaholic, and are finished on average about 3 hours before the classes are supposed to start.  For some reason they refuse to just buy a text book.

Well the weekend has come and gone, and with the rainy season looming, I decided to get out as much as possible.  I went hiking in the mountains yesterday, and I walked around Gifu city today.  That’s the capital, which has like 500,000 people and is 12 minutes on the train from me.  All the main streets have like 5 stories of straight concrete on either side.  I bought a few new ties at a store called Don Quixote, walked down a river for a few miles and got home just as the other Americans were heading out to eat hamburgers.  We have one really good burger place in town where they play Elvis all the time and show Popeye cartoons on an old TV.  Very nostalgic.  Alright, hopefully I’ll do something other than work and wonder around this week.  See you all later!

More work :(

Another week has passed and I can’t think of anything to write about except work.  We had an ice cream party on Sunday at our main branch and around 50 kids showed up, swarmed around the office playing different games and then devoured several tubs of ice-cream plus about 90 pounds of toppings.  One of the toppings was sweet bean paste, which was very unpopular, so I spent about 20 minutes waving spoonfuls of bean paste at reluctant children.  None of my kids came since they’re not in the Hello!s English program.  (More on that later.)  It kind of made me miss my old classes where I would have just a handful of elementary kids and I could play around and get to know them a little better.  In my own classes I’m still learning the kids’ names (there’s over 100 of them in case you think I’m a moron). 

I also taught two “Tea Time English” classes for other teachers.  I had two students in both classes.  My supervisor attended and we spent an hour drinking $4 cups of coffee, playing connect four and discussing what we do on our days off.  I was somewhat shocked to find that four people were willing to drive out of their way and start work two hours early to talk with me.  I must be popular.

So overall not much fun to report this week.  I’ve been loving my free time so far but I’m still getting adjusted to work.  Today I taught two classes and then was informed that all my Jr high classes were canceled due to upcoming midterms.  So I sat there dicking around on my company-issued iPad for 3 hours.  That helped me feel a little more adjusted.  I’m not sure if I have 2 or 6 classes tomorrow.  Okay I’m going to cut this one short and hit the hay.  Stay tuned!

Week Five

It’s been another busy week but I’ll post a quick update before I doze off here on Sunday night.  My golden week vacation came to an unexciting end.  The last day I went on an excursion to Gamagori, which has an island connected to the mainland by a narrow bridge.  I rode the train for 90 minutes and then walked around the island for about 10.  The town also features an overpriced aquarium and museum that I passed on.  I brought one coworker who was similarly unimpressed.  Instead we opted for the boat racing stadium.  It’s a huge outdoor stadium around an artificial lake where guys race around on tiny motorboats.  Thanks to legal gambling admission is free.  I did not place any bets but I did get to see one guy wipe out and get scooped out of the water by the ambulance boat.  Kinda fun but not really worth $30 in train fare, especially when I live next to a bicycle racing stadium. 

So then it was back to work for another fairly grueling week.  On Tuesday I teach for three hours with no break in a room that is intended to be used for parent teacher conferences.  There are two rows of desks and the back row is literally four desks wall to wall.  When I want Billy to come write on the white board I have to make him climb over or under his own desk.  Actually since all the kids are in 7^th-9^th grades they seem to enjoy it.  Next week I’m teaching “Tea Time English” classes for Shimon teachers before work.  My boss told me he wanted it to be a casual conversation class.  Then he decided half of it should be spent drilling pronunciation of vowels so the teachers could “speak more confidently” in class.   In case you didn’t know Japanese has only five simple vowels while English has roughly 600.  Honestly I don’t think English speakers care if a Japanese person pronounces the words “color” and “collar” the same.  So far I only have one student.

This weekend was the Ogaki festival.  They close down the main street and set up hundreds of carnival booths with every kind of fried food you could dream of.  They also have big groups of men carry huge floats around town.  I put a picture of one on facebook.  One of the floats had six girls aged 6-8 in Kimonos and full geisha make up.  Another one had a creepy 3 foot tall puppet.  I wound up going three times in two days with various coworkers, and also running into three other people I knew there.  I have also seen the same woman working at a pineapple booth at all three festivals I’ve been to so far.  It makes me wonder about the secret lives of Japanese carnies.  Really though it make me excited for the October festival where are the American men get to carry one of the huge floats while the townspeople cheer and hand us free beer.  Okay it’s late and I have another big week coming up.  I’ll update within a week or so.

Festival Season

Hello again internet comrades.  My golden week vacation is mostly over already and I haven’t gotten lost, stranded on an island or humiliated on a cruel game show yet.  At one point however I appeared to be lost (i.e. walking down the side of a rural highway) and a man stopped his car to ask me if I needed a ride (in English).  I said I was just walking and he drove off.  Then 20 minutes later after I turned on to a different road he drove up behind me again.  He had driven to his job, picked up an English guide to the town and then tracked me down again.  It turns out he was formerly in charge of the regional ALT program and had been the liaison for up to 15 American teachers.  He now manages a hot spring resort and after we chatted for a good 20 minutes he gave me a free bath ticket.  He also steered me off the main road up onto a twisty one-lane forest road that I hiked on for two hours while only seeing 4 cars.  I put a couple pictures on Facebook. 

Other than that I’ve been to two festivals.  One involved children performing Kabuki plays on mobile stages that looked like shrines.  The kids were around 8 to 10 years old and had flawlessly memorized a full hour’s worth of dialogue in 400 year old Japanese.  I understood about 8 words.  I went with a coworker who is very into both theater and understanding hard Japanese, so we watched three different plays.  I got tired and sunburned but luckily they had refreshment booths selling food on a stick.  The other festival was a fire festival in the town of Godo which is about 5 miles away.  It started at midnight so we biked there.  I’m not really sure of the significance, but it basically involved groups of men in loin clothes charging up and down the main street with huge burning torches.  Mostly it was cool to see this sleepy country town completely lit up and packed with people at 12am.  I got a couple pictures, but it was so crowded they weren’t very good. 

So far this week has left me surprised at the amount of fairly famous events in the very near vicinity of Ogaki.  I had never been to either of the festivals.  In fact this whole week I haven’t even been more than one train stop from home.  The farthest I’ve been is actually about 7-8 miles that I went in search of a Nintendo Classic Mini.  It’s like a miniature version of the original NES that comes with 30 all-time favorite games on it.  I didn’t find it, but I did pick up a cheaper used version that has 88 games including classics such as “fruit tree” and “whale”.  Hours of fun await.  The other pictures I posted where from an excursion to a shrine called Nangu Taisha.  It’s huge, over 1000 years old, located 6 miles from my house, and I had never heard of it before I went.  The surprises just keep coming. 

Last night five of the Americans celebrated Cinco de Mayo be making tacos and mixing margaritas from sprite and green syrup.  A couple Japanese people came and fortunately didn’t ask too many questions about Mexican history.  I’m trying to get a few people together to go the beach tomorrow.  It’s the last day of break and the weather says 73 and sunny!  Hope everyone back home is getting some spring weather by now!  Later!

Golden what now?

Wow, it’s been two weeks since my last post.  You are probably thinking I am so deeply involved in my various adventures I haven’t had a second to keep you updated.  Or you may be thinking that I am getting home from work at 1130 at night, drinking a large beer while watching half an episode of The Mentalist dubbed in Japanese and falling asleep.  Those of you in the second group are correct.  Congratulations, you win a rice ball.  Work has been sucking up a lot of time, and unlike before it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to start early and sneak out at 8 or 9.  I’m also commuting super hard core to a total of 6 branches, none of which are close.  Monday and Thursday I’m going to try to ride my bike.  Both of these days my branches are around six miles away.  On Thursday I’ll actually be going about 3 miles west, stopping to teach 2 classes, then continuing three more miles and teaching another two classes.  So far I have three totally different kinds of classes:  Elementary classes that follow a popcorn-themed power point, Jr. high “Practical Conversation” classes that I teach with almost no materials, and high school classes that prepare students for the English listening portion of an SAT type test.  So far my high school classes have only one or two kids each.  This week when I asked them what they thought kitchenware was, three classes in a row answered “an apron?”  I think we should just go ahead and change that word so they get the points.

What else besides work?  I finally got a phone.  My number is 080 4962 1773.  I think you need to dial 011 81 to get Japan from the USA.  But the best way to get a hold of me is through the Facebook messenger app or the line app.  Both are free and only use cell data.  By the way I have seen the future of text messaging, and it is going to change into an art form in about a year.  Emojis are just the beginning.  When I came back from study abroad in 2007 I predicted the rise of texting, so you can trust me on this!

If you want pictures I’ve added a few to Facebook.  Last weekend I took two separate hikes.  One was to a temple I had visited before and one was up a random trail I found at the base of the hills.  It led to a power line tower.  Since I’m in sort of a fridge suburb here, I’m only a few miles from the mountains.  (Like the ones that cover 80 percent of the island).  I’m planning to go back tomorrow to see what else is up in there.

The other small thing I want to mention is that I just started a one week vacation!  It’s golden week here which is a cluster of holidays that result in many people getting a week off.  This one really snuck up on me, but I promise I’ll do something fun and unexpected and hopefully meet some new people.  The other Americans at work are a nice bunch and we’ve hung out several times.  They invited me to play games and have drinks both days last weekend.  I’m not sure if they’re into going out, or my type of random exploring adventures, though.  Hopefully I can convince someone to take off with me for at least a day or two this week.  I’m going to see a few of them in a couple hours, so I’m going to go dig through some maps and see if I can’t find somewhere appealing to go for break.  I’ll update in a few days!

It's time to check in.

Today Delta sent me an email to inform me that it's time to check in!  For some reason my company bought me a round trip ticket and the return portion leaves tomorrow.  It's funny to think that if this were a two week vacation I'd be packing up and heading home.  Instead it feels like I'm only half way unpacked here.
Well in terms of physical unpacking I'm pretty much in to my new apartment.  I must have been shopping a dozen times already for things like juice, coffee, neck ties, an iron, a new belt, multi colored pens, a squishy soccer ball, drain cleaner and  bags to do more shopping with.  Somehow after all of this I do not have a phone or internet access at my home.  This is irritating.  Especially since it took me like a day to get a phone last time.  Apparently the fact that I misplaced my official seal could slow things down even more.  The seal or "hanko" is a stamp with Kanji for a person's name.  It's used in place of a signature.  In my case my boss made up name Kanji for me: Mai (to dance or whirl) and keru (to kick).
Work has been going alright.  Two days a week I'm riding the train to the town of Tajimi, which means I'm going from the far northwest corner to the east corner of a 10 million person metropolis.  The ride there is okay, but for some reason the 10pm train out of Nagoya is always full.  What where doing until 10pm downtown Japanese businessman?  Couldn't you just do that at your house??
Classes look like they should be easy.  I have one elementary class that I teach 10 times a week called Popcorn English.  It's actually designed to be taught by a Japanese teacher so all the English is pre-recorded.  The students just follow a power point, repeat and listen to my various lewd interjections.  I have been dispatched to teach it at a few select branches because management feels other schools are encroaching on our territory.  Schools in our safe territory will have the classes  taught by the regular Japanese staff.  I am also required to stand outside as the students arrive for class.  Tactical.
I gave my introductory speech at the big company meeting on Tuesday.  I made it very polite and short.  Later several new Japanese employees gave speeches.  One guy described how he drove his car through 46 different prefectures and another guy talked about how his most noticeable asset was his powerful baritone voice.  I regret worrying about my speech now.
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I also went to my favorite bar yesterday only to find that it was totally empty at 8pm on Saturday and the only staff member left was the owner.  He was also very drunk.  Kind of a downer couple of days.
Well my first week back was fairly relaxing and kind of dream-like in a way, but the second week was pretty much run and gun.  Next week promises to be more of the same.  I'd like to do some reflecting but I have to use my computer time to look up a few a things for this week's classes.  Keep it classy and check back in a week or so.

A few introductory details

Hello friends and thank you for your patience as I slowly set myself up here in Ogaki, Japan.  I arrived safely and without a single delay.  The company sent a guy with a van to scoop me up and an hour after clearing customs I was back at the old HQ talking with old colleagues and meeting new ones.  I got a three day crash training course and next week I'll visit each school and observe classes.
So far the only difficulty has been not having a phone or internet in my apartment.  Whoever usually takes care of the American teachers phones is off on vacation somewhere and I'm going to wait for help so I don't get stuck with an incomprehensible $95 bill every month like last time.
I did bring my phone from the states, if you were wondering.  Virgin Mobile advertises that it charges "no roaming fees" but doesn't mention that it has absolutely no coverage once you stray away from its towers.  That's right, it doesn't transfer you to another network, it just lets you sit there with a dead phone wondering why the hell you paid an extra ten dollars for the "international service bundle".  Nice.  Hopefully we'll get that remedied soon, as I'd really like to communicate without yelling at people's balconies like Romeo and Juliet.
My apartment is nice.  It's on the third floor, has two rooms with a double sliding door and a tatami floor in the bedroom with a single bed.  Basically the same as last time.  What's different you ask?  Well first of all there are 11 Americans, up from 6 when I was there last time.  Also unlike last time they tend to do everything together in big groups.  Some one came knocking on my door Friday, Saturday and Sunday to invite me out.  In the past I've avoided the roving pack of foreigners, but it's actually kind of nice to have a some people to hang out with right from the start.  We did Karaoke on Friday, watched pro wrestling at a guy's house on Saturday and went biking under the cherry blossoms today.  If you want to know what my karaoke sounded like, put on Holiday by Green Day, crank up the volume and then also squeeze your cat really hard.
What else is different you ask?  Well this year I'll have between 3-5 classes a day, ages 4th-12th grade, at 5 different schools.  I'll be repeating a lot of lessons so I'll actually only have to make 3 lesson plans a week.  (one elementary, one Jr. high, one high school).  My branches are all pretty far, so although I'll only be working around 7 hours a day, my commutes will be 1-2 hours each way (I think).  Speaking of commutes, I need to use the rest of my time at the Net Cafe to look up directions to the place I'm going tomorrow.  I will post again probably next weekend, unless I somehow get internet at home sooner.  I'll also upload a few pictures of my new place to facebook when I get some wifi for my phone.  Thanks for staying tuned as I sort a few things out.

Unfinished Business

So let's get this straight.
I am moving to Japan.  If you didn't know that, you probably don't know me.  But that's okay, in order to reach my goal of creating the ultimate Japan blog, I'm going to have to recruit a few new followers.
Let me introduce myself.  My name is Michael.  I'm a 31 year old Japanophile from Minneapolis, USA.  I have previously lived in Gifu prefecture for 2.5 years teaching English.  I am also returning to Gifu to teach English.  And not just the same prefecture either.  I'm going to the same town, the same school, the same little brown apartment building next to the bicycle racing track.  I might even have some of the same students, except they will be much larger by now, since I left 5 years ago, and that one high school senior will probably now be my new boss.
Why am I going back to the exact same spot?  Because it's familiar?  Because I was able to easily get my job back?  Because I enjoy the 40 days of paid vacation?  Good guesses, but not quite!  I have unfinished business.  I'm not sure what it is, but for the last 5 years there's been a little voice in the back of my head telling me I still have something to do there.  Maybe I'll become president of a company or host a talk show or rescue the emperor's beautiful daughter from a run away bullet train.  I'm not sure yet, but it's going to be interesting.  Or at least more interesting than driving buses in circles in the suburbs of Minneapolis.  Please stay tuned and I'll update when I get boots on the ground.